Omgbw

-a rom hack of 'MegaMan 6' for the NES-
review by: Feral Mew

As of this moment, I take back anything negative that I have ever uttered about anyone or anything in all of creation. All of my disgust and enmity is now pointed squarely at this beast from the most deeply perverted depths of electro-mechanical perversion:

MegaCrap 2: MegaFAG

I stared grimly at the penis pointing at 'PRESS START', knowing full well that nothing but pain and terror awaited beyond this threshold. Where MegaCrap had been delightfully inane, MegaFAG was all business.

The business of saying 'fuck' and 'fag' a whole lot.

Here we see the 8 fierce fuckers in question. No doubt, these lovingly rendered character portraits speak volumes about the wonders that await.

Off I go, to save my mom from the evil Dr. Dyke. I noticed that the enigmatic 'Gaybos' from MegaCrap are all but extinct, and I began to understand the nature of their original mission. They didn't want to destroy my dick just for the hell of it, they were trying to save the universe from it's corrupting influence. :0 Here's a quick glimpse of this terrible future world.

Our hero, HO, wielding his mighty penis. In the years following the failure of the noble Gaybos, it became disproportionately gigantic. Thus MEGAFAG was born.

Instead of firing little turds or whatever, MegaFAG is armed with a cannon that fires a fierce negatively-charged holographic representation of his penis.

Because of the severe technological regression resulting from MegaFAG's immense dark energies, the weapon of choice for the ambient population and militias has become a crude device that launches multiple slow-moving penile projectiles. It is also commonly utilized for turrets and strategic emplacements.

Not even the native flora and fauna remained unscathed, as illustrated by this glowing penis tree.

One of the last remaining vestiges of the Gaybo civilization, the legendary Gaybo Homocombobulatrix still exists deep under the earth, mindlessly creating soldiers to combat the long forgotten catastrophe of 7XXX BC...

Of course, my true enemies of the moment were Dr. Dyke's evil robots. As a startling new twist, these robots now have bizarre meaningless stat ratings, hometowns and titles of nobility:

BUTTFUCKMAN: MASTER OF SPEW, ICE JIZ ISLE

Buttfuckman's Santa hat makes him totally impervious to the cold on the freezing tundra of Ice Jiz Isle. His ultimate attack, LOADSHOT, calls forth a flurry of huge demonic snowflakes from the dark war-torn future of a doomed world in the cryogenic dimension.

ERECTIONMAN: MASTER OF ERECTION, ASSPIPE ALCOVE

Long ago, when the ancient nomadic Indians of Asspipe Alcove recognized the coming disaster, they created Erectionman to safeguard them from the threat of outside invasion. His SILVSPEW technique is arguably the most powerful token Indian attack ever conceived.

FAGBASHMAN: VOYEURIST, SHITTY CITY

Formerly 'HALFHORSEHALFMANMAN', Fagbashman was a tournament level street fighter in the ghettos of Shitty City. Though he has no particular interest in Dr. Dyke's lofty ideals, his immeasurable hatred of 'faggotry' incites him to cooperate... for now. His ELECJIZ assault has the frightening ability to stop time for a few moments while innumerable penii erupt from from the walls. He is never seen without his amulet constructed of SHIT T-PARTS, rumored have some connection with his mysterious past.

ORGASMMAN: MASTER OF PENIS, ORGASM CHASM

Hailing from the mystical Orgasm Chasm, Orgasmman is the mightiest samurai warrior in all creation. Though revered by the peace loving inhabitants of his homeland, Orgasmman must live as a recluse, as his power is so chaotic that he kills everyone he meets. His ancient assault, SPEWTIP, launches a crystallized shard of the ethereal realm that uncontrollably wavers between realities. It is renowned for it's ability to kill swiftly and silently, while never drawing blood from it's victims.

PUSSYMAN: YEAST INFECTED, BULLSHIT BAYOU

In antiquity, the plant people of Bullshit Bayou lived in harmony with magnanimous Gaybos. Preparing for the possible failure of their holy mission to destroy your Dick, the Gaybos created Pussyman to safeguard their friends from corruption. Pussyman utilizes the PUSSY BARRIER to deflect even the most powerful of destructive energies, and the BLACKCUM ADAPTOR to project razor sharp flower petals at aggressors.

SHITMAN: MASTER OF SHIT, IRON TESTE TOWER

High atop Iron Teste Tower, Shitman has lived for countless millennia, immune to the infestation that has plagued the tiny creatures on the world below. Though peaceful by nature, when threatened he doesn't hesitate to launch his CUMBOMB which... ug... this game is so vile. Someone kill me now... pleeeeeeeeeeeassseeee...

SPERMMAN: MASTER OF SPERM, ANUS HILL

A mysterious warrior spawned in the arid wastes of Anus Hill. When his parents were driven mad by the terrible influence of MegaFAG's Dick, Spermman swore to one day strike vengeance against this omnipresent enemy. His HOTJISM attack summons searing fire from the furthest reaches of Hades, and his COW SPERM ADAPTOR, though never utilized in combat, is said to be infused with the rabid souls of the undead.

VAGINAMAN: MASTER OF BATION, RAPE VALLEY RUN

Vaginaman is the last surviving member of an order of knights dedicated to purity of essence. Shunning all penile technology, he utilizes archaic weaponry to dispatch those that he considers to be foes of the natural world. His VAGINA CANNON has the power to instantly level any man-made structure, returning it to equilibrium.

Finally I encountered the mastermind, Dr. Dyke, piloting his insidious ball and chain vehicle. The titanic battle mostly involved me standing still in the corner and pressing the fire button whenever I got the urge. Then all of a sudden...

OH MY GOD. IT WAS WILY ALL ALONG! :0 Or 'ASSPLUG', as he's known in the MegaFAG universe.

Though brilliant, I somehow managed to overcome ASSPLUG's 'hopping back and forth' strategy. The end was in sight. The game has concluded. Finally I could get to work on wrenching this look of disgust that has been engraved on my face for the duration of this experience. Oh wait... THE ENDING.

Well that was pleasant. You know what? I'm never playing another videogame again. In fact, I'm never talking to another person ever again, just because there remains that 1 in a 100 billion chance that they might have had some hand in this... the most hideous travesty in the history of humanity. Luckily, there immediately followed a list which credited all of those who were responsible:

TO BE MOLESTEDD...